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Today, I had a moment. Well, more like an afternoon. And in this moment, I basically pounced on a sweet, unsuspecting fellow Catholic, mom, photographer, blogger. We became Facebook friends and instantly I’m bombarding her with questions and answers and pleas and confusing ramblings. So.out.of.character.for.me! And she very sweetly and politely replied that chatter drained her, she is a busy mom of a large homeschooling family and runs a business. She apologized if she seemed standoffish. I quickly replied–probably too quickly–that it did not seem standoffish, it actually sounded very much like myself…which I’m sure she totally believed considering the circumstances, lol! She promised to pray for me, I apologized for pouncing and we went our own ways…except I live in my head too much. So I’ve thought way too much about this exchange today. Tonight I was sharing with Chris how embarrassed I felt. I explained how agitated I’ve felt today also, not at her or the conversation, just antsy-agitated-angsty, and like there’s this tension pushing and pulling at me and it caused me to pounce. I really just wanted this sweet momma, ahead of me in the game with teen and young adult daughters to look over and smile, as if to say, “You’ve got this momma. It’s hard, but holy and you’re doing ok.”
And Chris laughed…”Perfect!” he exclaimed, “She answered you perfectly! She let you know she’s busy; she’s got a lot on her plate and she’s trying to do the best she can and sometimes, maybe lots of time, she has to say “No thank you” to the things or people that drain her.” Her work…our work, is hard and holy and her polite “No” shows she understands she needs everything she’s got to do it well. She didn’t answer my questions with long ramblings and theories; she didn’t have to. By protecting and attending to her own work, she answered by example.
He was right…she was right.
And then, just right after talking with Chris, I was holed up in my bedroom just taking a minute. I had my Bible on my lap (which by the way, I have totally stunk at reading my Bible the last week) and had turned to Isaiah to look up a reference I had just read. But before I could get to the verse referenced in my reading, I started reading Isaiah 58:6-11
6 Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the thongs of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke?7 Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover them, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?8 Then your light shall break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up quickly; your righteousness shall go before you, the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.9 Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry for help, and he will say, Here I am. If you remove the yoke from among you, the pointing of the finger, the speaking of evil,10 if you offer your food to the hungry and satisfy the needs of the afflicted, then your light shall rise in the darkness and your gloom be like the noonday.11 The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your needs in parched places, and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters never fail.
You guys…well first, let me tell you Leo had just gotten out of the shower so when I read the part about covering the naked, Chris cracked up! But seriously y’all. These verses tied into the angst and embarrassment I had been feeling all day. And the answer, although not spelled out in large letters, works of mercy–in my heart I knew, spiritual and corporal works of mercy. Whatever I have going on will take care of itself…no, God will take care of as I care for others…give.
The picture above is of a white cross that hangs in our entry hall. I knew it was the picture for today as all these thoughts and verses were dancing around in my heart and mind. I don’t know, to me, it just symbolized the cross I am called to carry most days. It’s not ugly or really all that heavy, some would consider it decorative even. But it is a cross I carry, my cross to carry. It’s not a beautiful, bright, shiny white…it’s aged (or at least made to look that way), it’s been around, knocked down, neglected and dusty (ahem) but it’s still a beautiful cross. Sure it has some sharp edges and points, but it also has some lovely and delicate curves…the sharp edges balanced by the gentle curves. I have a new appreciation for that cross that has hung there for a little over 12 years.
Cindy says
You’ve got this! I am a Catholic mother of 2 grown daughters. They have turned out fine and I was not nearly as together as you seem to me. But our similarity is that we have the faith the God has our back, and our front to guide us and our sides to support us. Keep up the good work!
Jenny says
Thank you Cindy. Yes, I need to forget it’s not all about me…He’s got me!