I always wondered why when Elizabeth Foss’ children got older, her blogging decreased. I totally thought it should be the other way around; bigger children equaled more time to blog…ha!
Bigger children equal bigger and more complex issues. Long gone are the days when the world depended on the right color sippy cup or a well timed nap. First, it’s not that those days are easy, because they aren’t. They are physically demanding beyond belief. Just when a momma thinks she can’t go on…she has to. This little person…little people…depend on you for every.blessed. thing from a drink to a wipe and all things in between. And we carry on because others tell us, “It will get easier.” They are liars.
Nothing about mothering gets easier as your children grow. It gets different ways of hard. And this hard isn’t as easily shared like potty training tips or tantrum soothing techniques. Mother’s must ponder more if not all things in their heart now. It’s not their story to tell anymore. And maybe it never was? I’m not much of a potty training or tantrum soother writer. I don’t want my children or their friends or their college admission counselors to search this wide world of anything but anonymity and see my child’s nakie bum. But now, instead of dealing with dirty bums, there are dirty souls. Hurt knees are replaced by hurt hearts and those little kid tantrums evolve into very big feelings, opinions and ideas from still developing souls–both momma and child. These aren’t pretty sometimes. Sometimes they are resolved just shortly after “Publish” could have been hit…sometimes they aren’t; that fact alone makes writing about them so tricky. These are not the things that can be randomly worked into a blog post. They are too big, too private and too developing to address on a flickering screen.
This is hard mommas because when the battles really begin–physical, emotional, mental and most definitely spiritual…we must be all the more quiet. The time when we most need an “Amen!” or an “No Way!” we are struggling to breathe, “Please Lord” and shaking our head muttering “Yes Way!” Mothering has taken me and continues to take places I never ever thought I’d go. I’ve said things I wish I hadn’t. I’ve thought things I didn’t know I was capable of thinking. I’ve hurt when I should have soothed and soothed those who have hurt me like I never thought possible. And all too often the beginning lyrics of “Keep Making Me” comes to mind…
But I’m not calloused mommas…I don’t know that I want to be. Oh sure it would be easier I think, I mean there’s dinner to make, laundry to fold and soccer practices to drive children to. But I’m not calloused. I feel it all and very deeply. And not only my own feelings. I feel those big emotions these hearts and souls wrestle with in my home. I take it all in, feel it in the depths of my soul and most days don’t have the time to process it before I’m hit with even more. Elizabeth mentioned recently she’s like a sponge who absorbs but has trouble wringing it all out. And maybe that’s why I cry. Maybe when I’ve absorbed my fill of everyone else’s emotions…on top of my own, I wring out by crying.
So I’m broken and struggling. I want to run to Him with my heart wide open but dang if my laundry isn’t piling up, my drain backed up and most recently, children throwing up. I write to process life, but too many things right this very moment in my life must be written down quietly, old school pen and paper. That’s why The Littlest Way has been a little quiet lately. I foresee that to continue at the moment.
If it’s silent here, check my Instagram or Facebook, but always check here first–you can sign up to get new posts in your email so you won’t have to wonder if I’ve posted or not–click here. I am in the final stages of our Sirach Bible Study and Journal and getting ready to start the next one, maybe Tobit? And I’m heading back to Periscope. I’ve missed our morning Bible study time over there.
Eve says
Aww Jenny you have a way with words that hit the at the right time as always. I to am a momma of a 4yr old little boy, I work a full time job in a public schools with Autistic Children by the end of my school day I am just physically and mentally done. But I have to drive home to my little boy give him his attention he deserves, cuddle him enjoy him and finally put him to sleep for the night. That is when my evening begins to get things ready for the next day get situated and start my studying, reading and homework for the week as I am also a Full time student. Going through a rough patch with my husband and not knowing what will become of us. I feel the same way of losing touch of losing my grip of not knowing how to release this anxiety daily. Prayers to you and your family.
Clare says
I’m praying – and my heart is with you…
Lux G. says
I’m inspired to read blogs from moms. I learn a lot. They have different views and they teach me things I’d never know. 🙂
Salute to all moms who juggles everyday motherhood and have the heart to share their journey online.
Mary Ellen says
Amen!!! Exactly how I am feeling in this season of life.
Karen says
You are so correct ~ in all you’ve written above…As a wife and mama to two adult daughters and a heavenly angel girl, it doesn’t get easier. There are the moments we grieve, the moments we rejoice in their adultness, the difficulty to comprehend that we’ve laid the foundation but they have different ideas. So, I look to our Blessed Mother and ponder all the difficulties in my heart. I try to imagine her life from our Lord’s childhood to His adulthood…her “letting go,” her “knowing what was coming.” In the end, I open my heart, my arms and my hands to our Father because this is His plan, not mine. All I can do is ask for His help, and really, ~ that’s all I need. God Bless you, Jenny.
XO
Karen
Melissa says
Thank you. I thought I was alone in feeling these things. Thank you for your honesty. So easily people say “it will get better” and when I dare to express my thoughts that it doesn’t get better, simply changes, I am dismissed just as easily. So now I keep quiet. But thank you for letting me know that I’m not alone today. I needed it more than I can say.
Rebecca says
I have said that exact same thing to many people, that when they get older it’s not easier that hard stuff just changes. I miss nap times where I could get some silence in the middle of the day, now there is noise all hours of the day with toddlers to adult children coming and going until late at night. It seems it could be easier if I didn’t worry about their souls and just left them to their own devices because I didn’t know to care. I think it’s those parents who don’t understand themselves the spiritual battles that are taking place that say it gets easier.
I am trying to learn new ways to parent these littles that have entered our home and also balance being a mom to a teenager who demands my attention along with young adult children who clearly are still watching and learning (maybe even more so now that they get a glimpse of the real world).
Prayers for you and your family!!!
Julie says
These words!!! . Some day we will have that get together over a cup of coffee and visit for hours…someday.
Sandra says
Jenny we have six grown children, and your right who ever said when they grow up it will get easier. It is the hardest to deal with, I cannot pamper them, wipe they’re tear away, tell them not to do something because all they think is you are wrong. I have gone through a lot of struggles and just recently gone through my hardest with my baby of the the six. He has anger issues and I am always the punching bag, it hurts like hell when he does things, however I will always be there for him. Our daughters are married to low life’s but we cannot tell them to leave the because all it will do is cause trouble and at the end they will blame us, so all we can do is sit back and be ready to catch them when they fall to they’re knees. It’s hard being a parent I have gone through a lot with my kids and they have with me being a single mother at one time. All I can do is pray for God to watch over them. I will be praying for you Jenny.
Michelle says
I know Jenny. I’ll continue praying for you.